She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not?

Her name isn't really Christine, just like my name isn't really Erik. But who cares! A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. I've talked to her all spring break, and she's been worried about me, because of my surgery, and my father. She's the one out of all my friends I like to confide to (Though Karina is about level, but I dont count her as she isnt part of my daily life, and Meg makes a distant second...I have a lot of female friends....) and she talks to me the most, ever since she's known me (which has been since January this year), because I treat her as an equal, in spite of her being a year younger (she got to skip 8th grade). When everyone else she knows loves to bring it up that she's the "baby" of the class. The irony is that she's also the smartest in the class. She just is teased a lot, and though none of it is mean-spirited and friendly taunting, it gets to her. I know that would drive me positively mad. There is nothing I dislike more than having people think they know you inside and out. Her reputation at school is unfortunately that of a quiet, studious, goody-two-shoes. But I never thought that, it was obvious that she was creative and artsy from the way she dressed right down to the way she did her hair...though I would've guessed she was a painter, rather than a dancer/actress. But she is, and she's quite talented at dancing (I haven't seen her act). She wants to prove to everyone she isnt who they think she is and to show how shallow their opinions are.
Naturally, I'm interesting because she doesn't know me like everyone else, whom she's known since freshmen year/middle school. And because of my other eccentricities. Not that I could tell you what they are because to myself I'm normal because I know my reasons for all I do. I was explaining to her over the phone why I didn't give my Dad the coming out letter, and I told her my down-fall was seeing the most awesome, flouncy pink tutu - and realizing I wanted to wear it. She laughed at that. She finds it charming that I don't fit into a specific gender role. I laughed at her laughing at me and saying "I don't know how you deal with the boredom of being straight". Which was a sort of ironic comment, because what I meant by it was "How lucky of you to possess sanity!" And she knew it, I think. But then she says, "Well, I don't know about that, I think I'm going to base my relationships on personality than orientation." I was thinking "WAIT, what do you mean by THAT?!" Instead I mumbled inanely about I don't remember what. To me that was the most important part of the conversation. Don't you agree?
Afterward I wondered what in the world brought on this change of mind. Then of course I reflected on all of my memories. Does she like me? I want to believe I inadvertently brought this change of heart. Can you blame me for hoping? I hope I'm not just seeing what I want to. I always thought she smiled at me differently. Maybe its not my imagination that she stares a me a lot. Though that could always be because I cut off my waist length hair to a boy-short, British 80s beat band hair-do (that's how my Dad describes it), the point is, Now I look like a boy. Karina says I look like someone shook me out of a Japanese manga. I look like an anime guy, my body proportions (I have long legs), my face, hair, my clothes, even my behavior. Its creepy in a really cool way. So I guess that's how you attract straight girls, my lesbian friends, look more like the thing they are already attracted to. But, there's also the way she smiles at me.
To help me try to gain a more objective view of her possible feelings, I've contrasted the way she treats me from the way other (straight and not interested in me, and those that were) girls treated me, and how she behaves around other females, namely our mutual friend, Meg (who is openly attracted to women,and is currently with a guy, and she says after him, she's sticking to chicks). And of course how the other females in the school behave around me. And also girls outside of school, friends and strangers.
The results so far: She smiles at me the way girls who mistake me for a man smile at me, and stares the same way. She doesn't act around Meg the same way. Even though Christine served as Meg's date (since neither of them could find someone else), she treats her as a friend. Christine's phone wallpaper used to be a picture I sent to her of the characters Lady Oscar and Marie-Antoinette from The Rose of Versailles (when I asked to show me her wallpaper, she was embarrassed about it, so that's how I know), and then when I brought her a flower for her dance showcase, she took a picture of that and set that as her wallpaper. Her laptop wallpaper is a photo of me before I cut my hair, wearing my aviator sunglasses, a silver lady liberty hat, and holding a giant stuffed hot dog in place of the torch and posing loftily. A very funny picture, the best we took that particular day (it was a trip to the boardwalk). Drawings I've given her and photos of us decorate the outer see-through pockets of her binder. Sigh. When I went to her house,she showed me her violin, and I said "Oh, tiger." You should've seen the look on her face when she said "Yeah...you remembered!" Of course I did. She calls her violin Tiger because of the markings on the back. Ah, but I dont know! So what if she does like me? What then?
I'd like to take her to prom this year. It'd be...almost magical. She in all of her loveliness, long hair, flowing dress. The moon and the sea. I'd love it! I'd need to buy a tux and tails first though...
She said she doesnt like to be courted unless she is already enamoured with that person. Which is one of the minor reasons I havent tried anything. In the miraculous event that we ever got together, we'd have to keep it away from our parents. Hers, so I could continue to spend the night there and sleep in her bed (unless, oddly enough, they're okay with this). And mine, namely my father, who doesnt think that I should be forming any emotional bonds with anyone (and honestly I believe he is absolutely right, but...I'm doing it anyways, oh, youth's folly!) at this point in my life. But he's a whole other post.
She loves me? She loves me not?
God, I miss her, I want break to be over! I want to hold her. Am I only seeing what I want to? We'll see, wont we? We'll see if Christine loves Erik...