My "Coming-Out" Letter, for those who need an example.

Okay, so this is the coming out letter I wrote to my Dad (I was going to have him read it while I was in surgery), but never gave to him, as I realized that I hadnt contemplated on my nature enough and didnt yet understand myself fully, and thus giving this letter would in fact be very foolish. The past few days have only proven me correct. So for those of you who are in the process of writing your own letters may or may not find reading mine helpful in knowing what to include. This is an FTM coming out to Dad letter:

Dear Dad,
There is somethung very important I need to tell you, and I thought a letter would be best for both of us. Honestly, I'm afraid of how you'll react (mostly, I fear you wont take me seriously), and I wanted to give you some time and space to asorb this and think on it before we talk to each other face-to-face. Okay. Here goes nothing.
I'm a boy. Mentally. (Yes, I'm quite aware of my anatomical gender) The technical term is FTM, or "Female-to-Male", so you can look it up on the internet and find out that our situation is hardly unique. You can also read stories from other parents who have also had a daughter turn son. Youre not alone.
I'm only going to say this once: This is NOT a phase. Please dont insult me by trying to tell me I dont know myself. If you'll take a moment to reflect, you'll see that I've always been a boy.
Remember when I quit dance because I hated wearing tights, and refused to wear anything but boy's jeans for years? Grandma and Aunt Melodie made me wear a skirt to church, and I cried the whole time. It just didn't feel right. In middle school up until I moved back to California, I really tried to be a girl. But it made me unhappy, because I found out that I was attracted to women. I was afraid because I didnt know what lesbianism was at that time (though I know now that I'm very straight, I like girls, not guys). Up to then I'd only paid attention to other guys because I envied them (Matt was the most popular guy in school, the guy you presumed I had a crush on because I wrote his name on my leg, but I was too embarrassed to explain that I wanted to be him). I felt generally confused thereafter. I had lots of male friends, but because I was physically female and had begun to dress and act like it, they were only interesting in getting me to like them, and my friendship selection was limited to out-cast-ish girls, who were as fustrated as I was, though always for different reasons. Ray (that guy from Texas), was part of trying to be a girl, I only liked him for discussing history and politics and stuff. He was my only boyfriend because he was smart and confident. But I quickly realized that this sort of relationship didnt really suit me. SO I pretty happy to leave Texas. And I was hardly upset you banned me from talking to him, because by that time he was annoying me. He treated me like a girl (though he can hardly blamed for this), he wanted a wife and a family, and living that life horrified me, though then I didn't know why. I just really hated the idea, it felt like settling for less somehow. You never have to worry about me getting pregnant, nothing could be farther from what I want, and nothing could disgust me more (except the idea of being on the female end of sex, sorry Dad, but I'm old enough to talkabout it. So that's why I freaked out when you asked me if I was pregnant- I wouldn't have sex with a man for all the money in the world! Disgusting.). Though, when I'm older, say 30+ with lots of money, I'll adopt a handful of kids (I mean, why make more when you can make a few unwanted children happy?). It would be nice. I'll probably never marry (unless its pratical, as I view it as a business arrangement), as I dont want some other person, man, woman, whatever, having any part in raising my children. Er, I digressed there, but I feel strongly about this. I hate meddlers.
So, I've always been a boy. But I only realized it when I was in the hospital for appendicitis. I had a lot of time to think, and I couldn't distract myself from the truth. There was no "Ah-hah!" moment. It was a slow process that began in the hospital and continues still, of understanding who I am and what I want. Really, when you get down to it, the reason Ray's vision repulsed me (besides the obvious) is that I'm far too ambitious for such common wants. Love has never interested me, so your preoccupation (and your sister's) of bugging me about it is endlessly exasperating. I want money and power. I want my name to go down through history. As a child, I used to tell anyone who'd ask what I wanted to do that I wanted to rule the world. You may balk at this, saying you've known me to be lazy, indecisive, and noncommital. Every child lives a double-life: home life, and the face they show to the world, which is often their true one. So it is with me. When I want to do something I can be pursistant to the point of stubborness. You and Aunt Fifi only convince me to further inaction by nagging me to do what I never wanted to do in the first place. If it must be done, I'll do it in my own time, even if it's the last moment (this caused Gabriel endless fustration). Bugging errodes my motivation. Dont worry about me. I have enough ambition and perserverance for 300 of my peers (or I'm more driven than all the kids in my school put together). I have an appointment with the school counselor totalk about my future on the 22nd. I like the idea of producer or publisher, but politics has always been a fasination of mine, for years, really. Dont worry! I'll help children and animals, thats the nice thing about money and power, it frees you to help others. I've digressed again, but we talk so little (indeed, I've never really talked to anyone, no one has ever played my confidant) that besides this, there are so many other things for me to tell...so be it?
Another thing that is endlessly exaspertatingis Aunt Fifi. Now that you know the truth about me, I think you can better appreciate my fustrations with her. I love her, as she is my Aunt, but her persistant efforts over my whole life (which have increased with my haircut) are maddening.She has always told me to "act like a lady". Ever since I've returned to CA, she has been giving advice on make-up, hair, and other femmey stuff. Gag. She pesters me to wear a "proper" bra, which shouts to the whole world "look-breasts!!!" and says i shouldnt wear sports bras (which I wear all of the time, because they give the illusion of a flat chest, which I find to be decidedly manlier). Remember when I asked you if we could buy more? Because the ones I have are too big, but they work alright. Didnt you wonder at me throwing out all of my dresses and heels? At my sudden want to cut my hair off (which was spurred by the discovery that I look like a boy with out my long hair)? I wore a bra at the insistance of my Aunt, because I didnt feel I could explain why I didnt want to wear it, and I felt disgusting! I hid my chest all day, it looked and felt so unnatural. I knew then that I couldnt keep up the charade, not if I had to feel like that all the time. That was the exact day I decided that I really wanted to cut my hair. Also, long hair has always represented sadness to me and I didnt want the burden. Ever since then, I admit that I'm a tad reluctant to spend time with her at all,and I went the last time because I wanted to see my friend, Christine, that badly. Because I knew no on else would be there. She knows about me, though, as does most of the school, to varying degrees. Most think I'm a butch lesbian, which isnt true, I'm an FtM (though its easy to get confused about the distinction, gender is a very confusing thing!). Everyone likes to go along with it, and they all call me Erik. I made that name tag, not my friends, but that day I wasnt ready to explain why I woud have myself called Erik. It's just a name I like. Simple. Masculine.
I need your support, for these things, and many other reasons. We need to be more open. Things cant remain the way they've been, its not good for either of us. Things are wrong, and we need to talk. Stagnation leads to disease. I'm afraid to give this to you, because I've revealed a lot in it, but you need to know these things. I ask that you dont tease me about things I reveal to you, because I'm of the disposition to respond poorly to light-hearted jabbing, just show better taste in what you moack me about. And also everytime you do, I'm inclinedto talk less and less. It's hard for me to talk to you, because of the "Youre wrong, I'm right" stigma that you, as a parent and adult, carry (or it could be an aftereffect, an attitude I've carried over from the Gabriel years). I feel that I'm never taken seriously. That I'm "just a kid", or worse, "just a girl". It hurts to be taken so lightly, or to be dismissed as "just going through a phase".
I need your help, because youre older. If people wont listen to me they'll listen to you. I need help in deciding who in our family will have a religious fit if they find out about me, and thus who I need to not tell. Who, among your/our friends can know, so I know how to respond around them (such as not becoming offended if they refer to me as "her" or "she"). And I need your voice if certain school staff protest my gender expression. But they're pretty accepting. I'm not going to attempt to get you to call me Erik, rather than the name you gave me. Oh well, right? So you know, in the future, I plan on legally changing my name and gender. I've researched this, and most states require medical certification and at least one surgery (such as breast removal, or "top" surgery). It is in no way an easy process, but its better than being called "Miss". I really hate that, as silly as that may seem. So, yes, I want to bring myself physically closer to being congruent with my mental gender. I wish I could go without, but I think that it'll be worth the trouble. Further motivation to do well in college, eh?
We can talk about Female to Male transitioning details later though...that's not a huge concern right now, though I admit that testosterone hormones would be nice because it'd get rid of my delicate woman's voice (it really is my bane). I cant imagine how weird this must be for you. If you need ti "mourn your daughter's death", I understand. When youre done, we can hit the gym :) Or the golf course, seriously, my swing sucks. I'd rather not look like a complete idiot on the team. And think, you wont have to buy girly-anything ever again (testosterone ends the period, so no more fem-products). So I guess I've dumped a lot on your head. Just dont have a heart attack, k? I'd like to see youre with me when I wake-up. It's a boy! :P
Love ya Dad,
Erik-uh, um,er-Arielle!

Most coming-out letters will be pretty long, but if yours isnt, that's okay too. Just remember to be empathetic, but confident in your letter. I hope your coming-out is a happy one!
I never gave this letter, but I dont regret writing it, it was a good way to express myself and how I felt at that moment. I felt much better just doing it. So if you're feeling stressed, you cant write the letter,and never let anyone see it if you dont want to.
Now, some commentary for this letter...I lied a lot in it, intentionally. Especially about men and Ray. I'm not a virgin, I had sex with Ray (he unfortunately was a young and inexperianced lover- but at least he was passionate), but obviously I'm not going to tell Dad that. And its easier to convince someone that your serious when you say youre a man if you make it out like you've never liked guys. And that you never had female tendencies. Which of course I did, being socially conditioned and raised as a girl- what do you expect? I didnt give him the letter also because I knew he would think me as frivolous as ever, always changing my mind. But I just am learning about me. And I know now he would've called bullshit on me "always having been a boy", because it implies I had no choice, that I was born that way. And both of us know that no one is born ANYTHING. We are products of our enviroments and our decisions. Anywho, hope this helped, if you need further help in composing a tough letter, I'll help! Have a nice day.